personal_mythos

I keep meaning to post an account of my madcap adventures in Washington DC and Montreal (Quebec, Canada) but I haven't gotten around to it. I've been back nearly a month. This is bad.

On the bright side, I wrote a story today, inspired by a fellow who writes a 100 word story every day and posts it on his blog. Without further ado, here it is:



She stood on the edge, drawn by the urge to jump, repulsed by a fear that brought her to her knees. She took a deep breath, and peered down into the void, wobbling on the precipice. She gulped, lifted one foot to take that fatal forward step - and put it down behind her. A half turn. A second step away. A gust of wind that knocked her over mid-step, knocking her against the pavement before sending her tumbling down, down. A dizzying fall, and SPROING! The cord that tied her to the bridge jerked her back up. She was flying.

I speak of Script Frenzy, of course! It's a challenge from the NaNoWriMo folks (The Office of Letters and Light) that entails writing a hundred-page script (or several totally one hundred pages) in April.

I'm tempted. I've never written a script longer than two or three pages. I've never written a decent to good script at all. But several years ago I had an idea for a superhero-type show (the same one that evolved into high fantasy-slash-somethin-or-other that I mentioned before). And I'm crazy.

I had had this great plan to read a bunch of TV scripts as research, but I'm not going to have much opportunity to do so before April, because once the quarter ended I went to see my parents, and then I'm going to the crepes thing, and then the next day I'll be on a train to Oregon and I'll spend most of what's left of break there. It'll be great.

As it is, I managed to dig up some Power Rangers scripts and read two (terrible). I also read the script for the never-made last episode of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon (never liked the cartoon, but the script was pretty gripping) and I read part of the script for the Doctor Who episode Smith and Jones (in which Martha and the Doctor meet for the first time), which was rather good. So basically I feel unprepared, but I have an idea and Celtx on my computer, so we'll see how it goes. Just have to sign up, I suppose.

Okay, so I have three pieces of news:

1) I've been writing fiction again. :D
It's a story I've had bumping around in my head for years. Somewhere on the six to ten years scale (since middle school or early/mid high school). It's all very silly and I've always known it, which is why this is my most substantial attempt to write it thus far... my previous attempt was late last year, and I got part of a page done on a road trip before the sun went down and I had to stop. But back in the day I used to fantasize about it for hours and I even sat down and drew some logos, because it started as a superhero team story and turned into high fantasy and then kinda maybe possibly back into a superhero story? I don't know... I've (mentally) laid out more of the middle ages-y part than the modern-day bit. I did think of a cover for it in class today... very old-school fantasy. Never mind that it has no title. Beyond that I'm being intentionally vague.

2) I got into H.P. Lovecraft
At some point around a week ago, I realized that while I hate horror movies (they turn me into a jibbering paranoid insomniac) I rather like prose and comic book horror... at least of the creeping evil with scary PUNCHLINE type, if you get what I'm saying. I mean the type that's ominous, then more ominous, then OH SHI-

Anyway, this lead me to check out Lovecraft, and this is exactly the kind of horror that he writes. He does it pretty well, but there are a few issues: blatant racism, well-nigh unreadable dialect, overly wordy descriptiveness, repetitive use of certain adjectives (you will get tired of 'gambrel', 'cyclopean' etc.), and predictability.

I kind of suspect Tolkien read his work, or some of it, mainly due to their shared liking of lengthy description and horrors from the deep. I have yet to find any other reference to such a connection, however, and wordiness is fairly common... honestly I thought Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea was the worst I've read so far in that respect, though (I read it in the original French).

Anyway, Lovecraft was not an especially prolific writer, so I'd like to know others to check out... I liked one of Stephen King's short stories, so I'll probably start there. After that, maybe I can write something. I mean, cosmic horrors are all well and good, but as for things that really creep me out...

3) I just got an email from my college telling me how to register for commencement.
On the one hand, YEAH! I'm graduating in June! *triumphant dance*
On the other... EEK!
So yeah.

I'm kind of in the phase of my personal goals (mainly, improve my Japanese and my French and practice writing) where I look at my efforts and tell myself that I could have done better. Writing is the worst, of course - though I've posted on this blog (last month, anyway) and written a couple of papers, that's about it. I haven't done any fiction. I haven't read much fiction either, mostly silly websites and stuff for class.

Even with the language practice I spend too much time on the internet doing things in English. Rather than making progress on the book I decided to read, Michel Foucault's Surveillir et Punir (Discipline and Punish - the book itself might be the problem...), I've been doing relatively unproductive things, though I did finish Alexandre Dumas' version of Robin Hood. I haven't read that much in Japanese either, just a few volumes of comics, not the 1 volume/day I was kind of hoping for.

I actually don't feel too bad about it, but I do feel like I need to rethink my priorities - namely, now that I'm not going into JET, how high of a priority is Japanese? Will I go to Japan some other way? When am I going to use the language? I mean, multilingualism can only be a boon, but how much am I going to focus on it?

Speaking of multilingualism, I've run into a variety of systems for describing fluency. The basic problem - the reason that there is not one system that everyone uses - is that language learning is not straightforward or linear. I can't easily say that I'm more or less skillful than someone unless the difference is quite large, because we will likely have different specialties/areas of interest in which we are the strongest, although specialization does lead to higher degrees of ability in general over time.

There is a tendency, in my opinion, for systems describing fluency to focus either on conversation (with a hypothetical native speaker) or on working or professional proficiency. Both are incredibly vague criteria, especially professional proficiency. One might, for example, do a job that required very little language use, or work in customer service and need strong speaking abilities, or be an academic working in one's native country but publishing papers in English, and thus need correct but not necessarily interesting written English with a specialized vocabulary, but have little need for conversational ability. You get the picture. I suppose the best that individuals can do is to set our own goals (and take language certifications as needed). This has been on my mind since I started thinking about grad school abroad, and the need to achieve high fluency in French and somehow convince the admissions officers of it as well.

They posted the ID numbers of the people who got into interview stage for the JET Program on their website. Mine isn't on there. I quadruple-checked. On the other hand, at least one of my friends got an interview. Yay! Good luck!

It hasn't completely set in yet - part of me is still thinking there was a mistake. But it's set in enough for me to know this is really just denial and to wonder what I should do next. I've been so excited about JET that I didn't make any real backup plans - I wasn't sure I'd get in, but I was almost sure I'd get an interview, since I'd heard that most applicants do (looking at the numbers, though, it looks like most people didn't even get an interview this time around). It's a little late to apply for grad school, even if I wanted to go next year. I do want to travel or live somewhere else, preferably outside the country. Japan would be awesome, but I dunno. If I want to go to Japan next year at this point, I have to look into teaching English with a private company, most likely, because I have neither the technical expertise nor the awesome Japanese skills that would enable me to search for jobs there in other fields. The French equivalent of JET has ended its application period already, and it sounded a lot less cool anyhow. In other words, I'm at loose ends, with no real plans for the next year of my life before I can theoretically go to grad school if I want to.

I suppose there's always crazy backup plan #1 - write the next great American novel and become an overnight success (I wish!). It is at least a reminder not to put all my eggs in one basket and to work on my long-term dreams (that there novel again...).

I'm trying to see the silver lining and the next step, but honestly I'm disappointed and I've just seen reality come crashing down on me. I think I'll go to bed and try to be light-hearted in the morning (hopefully that will mean I can fill you guys in on my rather odd weekend which was partially to blame for the lack of posting).

As you can see, I've been writing a lot for this blog, but I haven't written any fiction since late '08. So then it occurred to me: a fictional blog! Yes, I could do that! And so I looked it up, and apparently it's been done, but mostly with a modern-day setting, whereas I am seriously considering a science fiction one.

Originally I wanted to post stuff on the day where it would fictionally happen (except that the setting is a good long time in the future) but it seems like that might be difficult. In any case, once it's 'published', that's it, so I'd have to go in with a big plan. And there are world-building issues as well - do I do the lazier like now but with flying cars approach, or do I have a serious think about the implications of new technology and the passage of time? Depending on how far into the future I set it, none of the world's languages would be recognizable... but of course I would hand-wave that away - I'm not writing it in an incomprehensible conlang (constructed language).

It's still pretty up in the air as to whether I would do it at all, but the basic idea of putting fiction on a blog seems like a good one that might help me get off my butt about writing.

I don't know. But note the Japanese battle flag design on the hood.

Today was kind of a mood-swingy day. I love the weather (warm and sunny!). I don't love that I'm starting to be busy with schoolwork. I don't love my cold, but it's funny that it's transnational, and I'm glad it seems to be letting up already. I'm not that in love with my classes - none of them are actively bad, but so far none of them are really interesting on a theoretical level. I guess I've been spoiled by the mind candy of recent classes, but one of them is a upper-division with a professor who taught a pretty cool class last quarter, so I think my high expectations were justified. I'm holding out hope that they'll improve, though.

I'm also trying to sort out the fact that in spite of being in general quite happy, I want something. I can actually think of a number of things I want, but I'm not sure whether any of them are the one that's bugging me. I suppose the best step is to just try to go for those things and see what happens. That means writing fiction more regularly (or, er, at all) and being more clear with what I want out of relationships (currently, not romantic ones... still single). I suppose that wanting things is what keeps us moving, keeps life interesting, et cetera. But I do feel kind of selfish about the whole thing as well.

Also? Both excited and apprehensive about Obama. Bet I'm not alone in this one.

Happy New Year!

Now, I suppose, is a time to think about my goals. Last year I set several goals through the Big, Fun, Scary forum (part of the NaNoWriMo forums). I accomplished a couple of them, and worked on a couple more. I feel good about the year, but I'm not sure how effective it is to set goals for a whole year, even if you don't call them resolutions. I think it's good to be clear about what you want to do and how you intend to go about it, but goals do change, and circumstances change, and sometimes the original methods turn out not to work.
( details under the cut )
I am pretty fried today. Something about staying up until 3 AM after coming home from a party that involved alcohol, way too much sugar, and lots of people smoking. No hangover (I didn't drink that much) but I'm tired, I have a sore throat, and my shoulders are sore from sleeping funny. It was pretty fun though. Now to see if the drugstore is open today so I can buy soap and take a shower.

I decided to make an apple tart for the French Oral Fluency potluck. That was almost a month ago... sorry for being so late with the blog entry.
( Photos as promised )
In other news, there are a few things I'm thinking about doing soonish (starting with the new year, probably). They include:
-The Year of Doing Big, Fun, Scary Things Together aka BFS, in which participants set goals for the year and get a winner's certificate at the end if they meet any. Basically New Year's Resolutions, but more fun and with a great community
-National Blog Posting Month aka NaBloPoMo, where you post every day for a month on your blog (good news for you folks, I guess)
-101/1001 in which you set 101 goals for the next 1001 days
-Project 365 (take a photo per day for a year)

Of these, I'll probably do BFS and NaBloPoMo, but maybe not 101/1001. I'm not sure how I do with long-term challenges like that. Project 365 sounds interesting, and would probably result in me taking less sucky photos, but it has a similar problem.

Also thinking about working on my cooking skills by trying dishes I've always wanted to know how to make. I might write an entry about that, but if you have any thoughts on the matter, I'm all ears. :D

Right. So just a few updates:
Next week is finals. I have two, Japanese 1 and Intro to Programming, and they're scary. Also, an oral for Japanese. :(

I'm doing NaNoFiMo, since I won NaNo, but I have all kinds of old unfinished projects and I usually don't write enough, so I oughta do it more so I can be a pro someday. But I'm working on the piece I abandoned during NaNo '04, which still needs a good title, but is shaping up to be much better than I thought at the time. :)

I've been thinking about what to do after college, and though I will probably go to grad school at some point, I don't want to right away. Ideally I would want to do the JET Programme (Japanese Exchange and Teaching), which would entail working for 1-5 years as an assistant to a Japanese English teacher. I would have to send in my application by late November/early December next year, but would have to start on it earlier, because I would need transcripts, letters of recommendation, and an FBI background check (eek!). I also need to decide what to do as a backup plan, since if that's my only plan it would be too late by that point to get into grad school that year, so I might end up working for a year or something.

I would be really sad if I couldn't do it. :(
I'm trying to figure out my odds and I honestly have no clue. There's about 2500 U.S. citizens in the position I'll be applying for at the moment, but I betcha there are less openings each year because most probably do it for two years at least. The qualifications are: under forty, U.S. citizen, fluent in English, no significant criminal record, Bachelor's degree or three-year teaching certificate, willing to learn Japanese or know it already, no medical conditions that make travel inadvisable. That's probably a pretty large group, and I don't stand out that much from it. I mean yes, I'm already learning Japanese, and yes, my grades are good, but other than that, not so much. Though I betcha very few of those technically qualified apply at all.